Teach death literacy so you will know the qualities of a good death.
“It is only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up, that we begin to live each day to its fullest as if it was the only one we had. “
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
We all know we are going to die, we just don’t know when or how, or whether it will be a sudden or long dying process. The good news is if we take the time to have end of life conversations, create plans and make end of life decisions, we can mitigate any stress or confusion for ourselves and our loved ones.
The truth is most people will go into a serious medical scenario with no plans at all.
If you end up with a slow progressive terminal illness or die unexpectedly from an acute situation, having a plan in place allows you to control your destiny and increase the quality of your life as the end draws near. Planning in advance is the best chance to have a self-empowered, easeful passing.
Your advance planning will save others a lot of agony (beyond the fact of losing you) by providing your next of kin with legal paperwork, funeral options and any final wishes you may have.
Becoming death literate allows you to make informed decisions.
The Dying Your Way website and End of Life Training is designed to:
Honest confession here … I’m just like you. I plan for every emergency.
I always get an aisle seat on the plane, search the nearest exit and am prepared for the flight attendant’s direction to bail on cue. I have my emergency backpack ready to throw in the car in case of a wildfire. I have duct tape and plastic sheeting to shelter in place in the event of nuclear disaster. And when I lived in California, I knew every gas shut-off valve in my neighbourhood, with a wrench at the ready, in case of an earthquake.
Needless to say, I have had an Advance Directive, Medical Power of Attorney, Power of Attorney, and Will in place since 2005!
Pro-active planners are a rare breed and I’m sure we do it for different reasons. I obviously have a strong need for safety and security. Preparing and planning mitigate my fear, give me a sense of control, as well as some peace of mind during any possible emergency.
Creating an end of life plan is, without doubt, more important than all other disasters we may or may not face, because we all are going to die. Fact.
Only 20% of us will die suddenly, while 80% of us will live a longer than average life span. Most of us will acquire a chronic, progressive, terminal illness that we will live with for many years before developing a terminal condition that will be our ultimate demise.
Regardless of a fast or slow death scenario, end of life planning will:
Without an end of life plan and one that is easily available, the chances of dying peacefully are equivalent to making a birthday wish, crossing your fingers, followed by a New Year’s resolution ……… and then hoping it all comes true.
The end of life conversations with family members and yourself can be daunting and confronting, but it is so much easier to do when we are healthy and when we have a well thought out plan to discuss.
The physical, emotional and financial risks are just too high if advance planning is left to the last minute.
Whenever someone is dying it is surreal, but it needn’t be chaotic.
Having basic knowledge of death literacy and an advance plan for death, creates an environment that can be sacred and uplifting, free of unnecessary pain and anxiety. This is the goal of the Dying Your Way End of Life Training.
Every adult …. rich or poor …. family or single …..sick or healthy,
should have an end of life plan!
The Dying Your Way website, End of Life Training and End of Life Doula services are designed to easefully guide anyone, anywhere through life’s greatest challenge.
The 10 modules of the self-paced online End of Life Training will culminate with the creation of your own end of life plan. You and your loved ones will see the value of informed end of life choices …. And you’ll be the star of the next dinner party!
Take a courageous plunge. It is time well spent.
Claire O’Berry
Co-Founder of Dying Your Way
and certified End of Life Doula
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do this now?
In our society, detailing our final wishes early is rare, but we believe it is no different than planning a birth or a wedding – however much more important!
If you were faced with a terminal illness or accident while young and healthy, making decisions with a clear head and in a stress-free state of mind before the fact, is the best time to make the many difficult decisions that are faced at the end of life.
At the moment only 3% of ICU patients come to hospital with accessible and clear advance planning in place.
That means 97% of people are faced with the possibility of poor outcomes with either over-medicalized or under-medicalized treatment. This confusion leads to the possibility of chaotic care which can be painful and expensive.
Advance planning is even more essential when facing a normally under-staffed and overworked workforce.
As they say, hope is not a strategy and the numbers speak for themselves.
Why am I so comfortable with this topic and my parents are not?
All generations, cultures and people have different perspectives on death and dying. Based on past experiences we tend to pass that on to the next generation. In my family’s case children were left out of funerals or even the discussion of death all in some misguided attempt to “protect” me. Left to my own imagination I was terrified of the way people died and the prospect of hell.
In reality, younger people tend to be more open, resilient and curious. Given the truth, in an age appropriate way, we all tend to respond and rise to the occasion.
We believe planning for death is a good thing and your openness to have a conversation with your parents or grandparents can be a bridge to deeper connection. In the training you will find ways to begin these discussions
I have a family member who is dying. How can I help them?
During deep conversations with your dying family member, you can learn more about their final wishes and offer practical support to make those wishes happen. These conversations tend to have a positive domino effect prompting other family members to consider their own end of life preparation.
Oh and if they are willing, try to document and record their life stories. This can be a gift to the entire family!
I want to take the training but can’t afford it now.
We understand for some people $497 USD can be a challenge. Please contact us at info@dyingyourway.com . There are payment options available to make it easier.
I’m interested in becoming an End of Life Doula. Is this training for doulas?
The Dying Your Way End of Life Training has been designed for everyone and every need. It is grounded in 17 years of Claire’s personal and professional experience as an End of Life Doula and Advance Care Planning Educator.
Many Doulas have taken the training to advance their own understanding and appreciate the practical knowledge the training provides making it applicable to their clients. One Doula to be from Arizona said,
“The material is clear, kind and logical and provides a step by step basis from which to work. The videos and materials provided are persuasive!” Sedona, USA
If you are a Doula or would like to be one please email Claire for more information at info@dyingyourway.com for further training inquiries.
What is in the curriculum?
Click on the link below and it will take you an information page that details the curriculum.
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